Beer and Bowling

Why can't work have Beer and Bowling? Because work sucks and it last way to long. It is usually the hardest thing you do all day. Unless you have a blog and you never write anything. Sorry about that I will do better, well maybe. I have to go to work now so see you later. Happy Bowling!

Doing What You Enjoy

Doing what you enjoy is harder than you may think. It's not all the stuff you have to do like work, mowing the grass, taking care of the kids or any other mundane task life has put before you. Trust me there are a lot of those type of things. No, it's actually doing the act. Not that act, although that is enjoyable. It's what ever makes you happy. For me, it's what I'm doing right now, writing. I know, you think "How could anyone have a problem writing?". Easy, I seem to only be able to think when I'm on a break from work. Any other time my mind is a blank. That didn't sound good, although, it may explain my tips. I do love bowling. What other game is there where you can sit in the air conditioning, drink beer and play with your balls. There aren't any, trust me I've looked. Needless to say as much fun as that is I still enjoy writing just as much. It's something about putting an idea or story on paper. To explain it better, it's like allowing my imagination to come to life. Every word has infinite possibilities and has no boundaries. As we all know I seem to cross those a lot. Maybe that is the best thing though, because, people who are afraid to cross a boundary are destined to live inside themselves. So I guess my tip is: Cross a boundary or a line, do something you normally would not do, even if you might offend someone. Most of my tips are rude and offensive, but so what? It really doesn't say who I am. My tips are just a small part of me. Never the less they are a part of me, a part which I am willing to put on paper and video. I may not be the best at this and I have probably lost a few friends, not to mention the respect of a few others, but I don't hurt anyone. I don't embarrass people and I will help anyone if they ask. I live with the idea to set my imagination free and live a full life. I hope someday you can too, if you're not already.
I know this is not one of my normal tips, but, don't worry, I'm sure something will happen soon to jar my artistic ability. Till then bear with me. Coming up with a tip is fun. When I do a tip it normally forms over an unknown period of time and changes more times than I can count. When I get to shoot the video my friends morf whatever I had in my head into something totally different. That is why I write it down. It is the only way I can say what I really mean. So if you watch my videos go to my blog page and see the real story. Oh wait, you're already here. Well I'm glad you came. Please leave a comment. It's like people clapping or booing. Either way, it helps to motivate and spark my imagination. Till next time, Happy Bowling.

Why do men finish first?

Why do men finish first? Is it that women are slow or lazy, well not lazy. I know most or at least some women work harder than men. So it can't be that they are lazy, maybe it's that they like to talk before,during and after. Yeah I'd say that is probably a big part of it. Because as we all know women like to talk, whereas, men don't really say alot during. Now beforehand we will talk a whole lot, about how great we are, how much we score,how big and shiny our balls are, any number of things. Afterwards, well it's time to brag. Now understand the act that I speak of only took about two minutes. These are some of the things men will say "Did you see what I just did?","Can you feel me?", "Get some!",and "You can't handle this." These are just some of the things we will shout out after what we consider a perfect release, letting go of our ball. Now during, men don't say a word until the release, then we either shout, scream or bow our head in shame and stay there for a few seconds looking dazed and confused, like my friend Mork does sometimes. Mork, just let it go. It's not that women don't concentrate as hard as men, actually they concentrate harder. In plainer terms, they overthink. Maybe that's why men do finish before women because by the time a man is finished a woman is still trying to figure out where she wants to stand. The whole time she is standing there, she is second guessing herself. Not to mention talking to her friends. So remember, when you are playing with a woman you have to let her get there in her own sweet time. That's why it's best to get two lanes. That way you can finish twice to her once, unless you're Mork and then you're still standing there looking. So till next time,remember, men will always finish first as long as women have something to talk about. Happy bowling.

Lane Courtesy

Lane courtesy, no, I am not talking about bowing or curtsying to the lane or to the people you bowl with. I am not talking about keeping your voice down either after all bowling is exciting. You can scream if someone does something good, as a matter of fact I encourage it. Let the people you play with know what you like, otherwise they won't know what to do next time. What I speak of when I say "Lane courtesy" is manners. That's right, manners. Nothing makes me madder than to step up to the line, find my mark, get focused in and all of the sudden I see some idiot out of the corner of my eye come flying past me flinging his ball all over the place, like he has no clue about what it means to wait your turn. If you get a person on either side of you its like having an unasked for manage a tois. Nobody gets what they expected and you all leave unsatisfied and pissed off. Sometimes you even wake up the next day and tell yourself "I'll never play with my balls again." Well, that's not what we want so here's the rule people. If someone next to you, on either side, steps up to bowl, wait until they finish before you step up to the line. It's just common courtesy, thus lane courtesy. In professional bowling there is a two lane courtesy. That means if I step up to the line, no one on either side of me for two lanes will step up to bowl. So it's like this, Don't pull on Superman's cape, don't spit into the wind, don't pull the mask off the ole lone ranger, and you don't bowl out of turn next to Bob. Till next time, Happy Bowling.

Loosing the Pocket

What happens when you can't find the pocket? No Lisa, I'm not talking about that pocket. I'm talking about the One and Two pocket and no Mork I didn't number them. The pocket I speak of is the one pin and the two pin. No matter what you do you just can't seem to find it. You go to the left, you go to the right, you speed up, slow down, it doesn't matter what you try. You just can't hit it. The best advice I can give you is this; a few weeks ago, I was having this exact same problem. It seemed that no matter what I did I just could not hit the pocket. A friend of mine from out of the blue told me to step back one foot and throw the ball exactly the way I was throwing it. I did so and it hit the pocket every time. I'm not saying that stepping back one foot is going to change your game but sometimes someone can see a problem where you can't. That's why it's nice to ask for help every now and then. THe biggest handi-cap someimes that people face is their own pride. Sometimes you have to give up a little bit to solve a problem. We all would like to think that we know everything there is to know but there is always someone out there who knows or can see a little more than we can. So my advice is, listen to the people around you. You don't have to take their advice but it never hurts to hear it and remember bowling is supposed to be fun. So try not to get angry if you don't hit the pocket. It's not that big a deal. Till next time, Happy Bowling.

Twas the night before Christmas by Bob's wife

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even Bob's balls. The lanes were all closed. The lights were all dim. Everyone was happy except, for him. The leaguers were home all snug in their beds, while visions of falling pins danced in their heads. With Ma and her reading and I with my balls had just finished playing and decking the halls. When out on the lawn there arouse such a clatter. I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. When what to my wondering eyes should appear but Fagan and Mork with bottles of beer. We invited them in to toast the new year, turns out they were early and my wife is pissed cause they are all still here. So laying a finger aside of her nose she threw them all out into the snow. But I heard them exclaim as they stumbled out of sight. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good strike. This is Bob and his family wishing everyone a Merry Christmas with the hopes that they all get what they want and not just what they deserve. Happy Bowling.

The Perfect Woman

The five greatest words in the English language must be: RICH, ELDERLY, ALCOHOLIC, FEMALE, BOWLER. How great are those five words, seriously it’s amazing!
Ok, here’s what happened, I was working on Saturday morning. It was about 10:30 and I got hungry. I went to the snack bar to get a breakfast sandwich, understand what I’m saying, a breakfast sandwich, sausage, egg and cheese to be exact. Anyway, so I’m standing in line and there are two well dressed elderly women standing in front of me. I know they are rich because they are looking at the menu like they could order it all. So I figure they are waiting on coffee….warm milk…..tea or something soft they can chew. What do they get? They get two cups and a pitcher of beer. I fell in love. There werer the perfect women. Rich, so they could buy you a new bowling ball every week. Elderly, so they wouldn’t be around much longer and would leave you their money. Alcoholic so you could drink anytime you wanted, Hell, you could wake up with a beer in your hand and it would be just fine. Female, I mean they were old but for their age they were hot. I’d tap it once a month to keep them happy. Last, but never least, Bowler.
They love bowling, not just a little, a lot, from what I could tell. They bowled four games and drank two pitchers of beer at 10:30 in the morning. If I wasn’t already married I could be in love. Oh sure, they don’t bowl great but at least I would never lose and by my rules winner gets whatever they want, “New balls”. Because, let’s face it, if I ever did leave my wife she would probably crush the ones I have now. I love you honey. So remember ,rich, elderly , alcoholic, female, bowlers are like shooting stars. If you don’t grab it when you see it, you may never see one again. If you do grab it….hide your balls from your wife. Till next time, Happy Bowling.

Pick Up a Spare

I was working last night and I noticed something. I HATE PEOPLE! Not all people, just some people. It's not that I'm not a nice person, I am. I just can't understand why people feel the need to go Bowling at 1:00 in the morning. I know I should be happy just to have a job and I am trust me. You must agree though if they insist on bowling that late at night or that early in the morning at least they could do is have the common courtesy to pick up the spare. There is nothing worse than watching someone miss an easy spare and they haven't even been drinking. It's like they don't even care. It just pisses me off. I watch a guy last night miss the five pin four different times. Just throw it down the center. I mean really how hard is that. I almost put the bumpers up for him and trust me that's not a good thing. The bumpers are for little girls or men who suck at picking up the five pin. I know with all my knowledge of the game you ask your self. "Why did Bob not go over and teach this man the proper way to pick up the spare?" I could have told him to find your mark in the center at the beginning of lane. Now bring your arm straight back keeping your eye on the mark. As your hand comes down watch it pass over your mark after you release the ball. That would have almost guaranteed him to pick it up. But as I said before it was one o'clock in the morning and Bob doesn't teach at one in the morning. Bob just wants you to go home. There were some other people there, but his girlfriend was good looking and he had three strikes in a row. He was not a better Bowler than the other guy he was just getting lucky. Getting lucky is not a bad thing. Trust me, we all need a little luck sometimes. There was one other group bowling. They had a guy that was huge. He stood about six foot and weighed about 300 lbs. They called him Angel, I thought that was kind of cool. He threw the ball in the gutter every time, I mean every time. His score looked like this ------------ . No kidding! He sucked beyond belief but,I really didn't mind him that much. I even found myself pulling for him. Just hoping he could knock down one pin. He never did but yet again he had a good looking girl friend. So what did we learn? For Bob not to hate you at one in the morning, You either have to pick up your spares,throw a strike, be named Angel, have a good looking girl friend or go the hell home. Till next time, Happy Bowling!

The Good, The Bad, and The What Were You Thinking.

I know it's been awhile since I posted. Please, forgive me for my lack of attention but now here is a new tip. The good, the bad, and the what were you thinking? There is good and bad in every type of bowling. In league bowlers, the good is that they are courteous and know the rules of the game. They know when to wait for the other bowlers. They have their own balls, that is a big plus since I'm responsible for putting the balls away. League bowlers congratulate each other whether they make a good shot or not, and they get very excited when you make a great shot. The only problem with league bowlers is, well, I won't say the only problem, every shot is for the win. By that I mean EVERY SHOT. They take their time, every time they step up to the line. For goodness sakes, just throw the ball! I could be a 7-10 split and they would still spend ten minutes trying to figure out how they are going to pick it up. When we all know, odds are, it's never going to happen. They also know everything there is to know about bowling, including the machines they've never seen. Imagine trying to repair the machine in the back of the bowling alley where the pins get sorted and all the sudden someone up front is pushing buttons because they know that if they push that button everything is going to work the way it's supposed to.
Now, they are not as bad as the average bowler. I take that back they are as bad. It's just a different kind of bad. As much as one kind of Bowler cares the other doesn't. Which is why there is good and bad bowlers. The average bowler is happy-go-lucky, likes to laugh and generally have a good time. Normally they don't care about the score, even when it's low. If a pin is missing,that's to their advantage. Where a league bowler, if a pin is missing, the world must stop until it is corrected. The average bowler generally is not hard to get along with, there are those that do not respect common courtesy when it comes to who's turn it is. They are also much louder than league bowlers and generally more obnoxious. I know what your're thinking...How can someone be happy-go-lucky and obnoxious at the same time? Trust me, it's possible. The last thing for an average bowler they will play with anyone's balls. Where a league bowler will only play with his own balls.
Now, for what were you thinking, there are those select individuals who think bowling at 12:30 at night and drinking way too much beer is the perfect time to become best friends with the cop who works at the bowling alley. There is nothing better than to watch the expression on the cop's face as the drunk is trying to explain to him that his not as drunk wife or girlfriend is the designated driver. The whole time I'm watching this play out the only thing I can think of is that it will happen again the next weekend, like it always does. Well, that's it for now. So remember, Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and the drunks as far away as you can. Till next time, Happy Bowling.

Knowing

First thing place fingers in the holes and then your thumb. Making sure you have a tight fit. The last thing you want to do is to slip out and have premature release. Now check your feet, make sure they are where they need to be. If your off just a little to the left or right; you could miss the pocket completely. Now find your mark whether it be a dot, an arrow or some other random place you choose to look at. Never! I mean never look directly at it. Will it blind you? NO! But it can intimidate you and make you nervous. We all know at this point the last thing you want to be is nervous; So don't even try it. Now with your first step, slightly raise your ball in front of you while keeping your eyes on your mark. While taking your second step push your ball away from your body. I know this sounds funny but it is a must. Upon your third step allow your ball or balls to swing down like a pendulum, literally going behind your body. You might think this would hurt but it doesn't I promise. We're now at the fourth step. At this point your ball should start it's descent.It is very crucial that your arm stays stiff and you keep your balls supported. I can't stress how important it is to stay stiff. If your having problems with this. Not to worry there are plenty of products out that can help. So remember if your not stiff you could miss your mark. That brings up a good point. During all of this you must look at your mark. Nothing else matters but the mark. OK we are down to the last step. It is not even a step as much as it is a slide when properly done right. When you start to slide your ball it should be at about 6 o clock. Going from a 5 o' clock positioning follow through to the 3'o clock position you should then fully released. At this point you should still be following through. It is very important not to stop after you release. That is the biggest mistake most people make. As soon as they feel their ball drop they quit. Normally they receive an unsatisfactory result. Now if everything has been done correctly you will know when the ball leaves your hand you have a strike. That is the best feeling in the world and that is what I mean by Knowing! Happy Bowling.